Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry canadasbetter hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(973): View more from New Jersey

don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.

Fav 15 1177 2472
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."

Fav 16 1943 5049
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(609): View more from New Jersey

I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.

Fav 11 3535 2300
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged

Fav 4 3130 1693
share tweet
(831): View more from California

I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.

Fav 7 1919 850
share tweet
(925): View more from California

also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.

Fav 6 1395 768
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(919): View more from North Carolina

My legs r really sober for running now

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

I don't think that's how sobriety works.

Fav 1 818 655
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(206): View more from Washington

I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized

Fav 3 139 271
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(540): View more from Virginia

If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!

Fav 0 31 4
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT