Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
