I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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