I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
