Midget sex pt 2 tonight
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
