I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's never too late to be topless.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
