my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
