She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
