She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Houston, we have a blender
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
