i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
