Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
