his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
