She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
