i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
sex in a hospital.. check
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
