508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
