What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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