We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
