i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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