She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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