New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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