She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
