remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
