Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
