I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
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Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
