i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
