I hate all girls vehemently.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
