Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
