That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
