Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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