Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
