I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
