You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
