Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
