this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
