I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
