we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
