if only i could text you this smell
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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