so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
