it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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