I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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