so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
