they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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