What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
