cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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