I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
