I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
