I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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