you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
