Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
