i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
