I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
